Whether for deep rooted personal issues or to save a marriage, many people at some point in their lives find that they need counselling services. Finding a counsellor who is convenient to one’s home, school or office is almost as important as assuring they are good at what they do, simply because counselling requires a number of sessions to effective. Picking a counsellor is a very personal thing too, so interviewing a number of counsellors before settling on one is important. Finding local counselling services really boils down to a couple factors:
Get referrals from various sources
While it may be difficult, asking trusted friends and family members is the best way to find a quality counsellor. If they have had to go down the counselling road themselves, they will be able to easily tell you the good and bad of counsellors they have used. For example, even if marriage counselling is not successful, the person involved will know whether the counsellor is good or not based on the experience. Another place to seek a referral is from your physician. They will have experience with other patients who have sought counselling services as well as most likely knowing some personally, whether through their practice or through networking that the counsellor has done. Finally, looking through web sites and directories of local counsellors can help at least build up a list of potential therapists and some sites even have ratings for them.
Benefits of Marriage Counselling
The strongest contributor to individual character development is the family unit. You may have spent years trying to change, eliminate, or copy the influence of certain members of your family unit-consciously or unconsciously.
Consequently, if anger is part of your familys culture, you have probably noticed that it tends to spread itself to future generations. The wider it has spread, the more difficult it is to contain.
Take a look at the way members of your family relate with one another. Is there a hurtful and biting anger present? Remember, our earliest experiences communicating, problem-solving and relating to others occurs within our nuclear family. Unfortunately, patterns of anger in these relationships are then recreated in later relationships and subsequent family systems.
Fortunately, counseling and an expert treatment plan can eliminate the damage of having lived in an angry or abusive family unit.
How Dysfunctional Anger Destroys Relationships
Anger is a very common destroyer of relationships. Couples, however, often underestimate or minimize its impact by sometimes reporting that it is this anger that makes the relationship feel alive. A very dangerous notion.
How does irrational anger start? It grows in relationships which are insecure and where open communication is absent. The emotion of love then becomes buried beneath years and years of hostility and resentment. In these relationships, helplessness often exists in the present and anxiety and fear overwhelm thoughts about the future.
The news is not all bad, however. The good news is that if you are motivated to take part in marital or family therapy you can be rewarded with new optimism and hope.
The following are tips on how to limit destructive anger in your relationships:
1. When you feel angry, mentally evaluate your feelings. Ask yourself if you are over-reacting or jumping to conclusions.
2. Particularly, if you have nothing to lose, start by giving others the benefit of the doubt. Ask yourself if you have taken something too personally or over-reacted.
3. Move to higher ground; get a broader perspective. When you feel resentment building, talk your feelings over with a loved one and get additional feedback.
4. If certain relationships are repeatedly fraught with anger, assess whether or not you should stay in them.
5. If your anger feels out of control and/or mysterious and particularly, if the relationship is important, consider family or relationship counseling.
How Do I Know If a Family Member Has an Anger Problem?
Most of the time angry individuals are aware that they have problems controlling anger. Unfortunately, many of them come to accept that their anger is unchangeable, a fixed aspect of their personality and feel hopeless to to do anything about it. If you wonder whether you or a loved one may have an anger problem, look for several of the following symptoms:
1. Becoming inappropriately angry in response to mild frustration or irritation.
2. Experiencing painful feelings of guilt or regret over something that you have said or done in a fit of anger.
3. The existence of repeated interpersonal conflicts that result from angry outbursts (legal problems, arguments, damage to property, school or work suspensions, etc.)
4. Family and/or friends approaching or appealing to you to control your anger.
5. Having chronic physical symptoms which are generated or exacerbated by too much anger, such as high blood pressure, gastrointestinal difficulties etc.
Where do I Seek Help for an Anger Problem?
Mental health professionals are very responsive to those who seek treatment for anger dysfunction. Referrals to treatment professionals and services are available through The American Psychological Association, The American Counseling Association and The National Association of Social Workers.
You may feel shame or guilt about your anger issues and these problems can actually change the lives of you and your loved ones, for the worst. Therefore, it is critical to consult with a counseling or mental health professional who has many years of experience in anger management training.
What Kind of Treatments are Available for My Anger Disorder?
The most common approaches to anger management problems include the use of individual and family therapies. These therapies help one to become aware of specific triggers and thinking processes which lead to chronic anger and demonstrate how to think productively, rather than irrationally.
Individual therapy explores the root of angry feelings and behavior in a counseling format that includes only one client. This counseling approach helps the individual to focus on the most important emotions causing his or her excessive anger.
Family therapy is a powerful and comprehensive way of repairing the damage caused by longer-term expressions of hurtful anger. Chronic anger commonly alienates family members from each other, resulting in strained communication. It can also cause members to be overly involved with one another in a very dysfunctional way.
Family therapy considers each members role in the dysfunction rather than just pinpointing one person.
How Marriage and Family Therapy Help
Marriage and family therapists, psychologists and mental health counselors are trained in how to identify anger patterns that pass from generation to generation. Identifying these patterns through counseling helps each client to explore his or her perceptions, prejudices and misunderstandings about the appropriateness of certain types of anger.
For example, when parents reflect on how emotions were expressed in their nuclear families, subsequent family members begin to understand the family's inherited concepts about anger and how to correct them.
Christian Counselors in the Church - Partners in Caring
You may think about counselling when you are in a particularly difficult point in your life but what is counselling?
A counsellor will see you in a confidential and private setting, perhaps in your GP surgery or in private rooms. In the sessions a client will be able to discuss and explore personal difficulties, any distress they may be suffering or general dissatisfaction with life and purpose. Specific examples could be for relationship difficulties, family problems or bereavement.
By speaking and by being listened to, you, the client may begin to see things in a different way. You could see things from another point of view. Counselling can enable you to see a clearer path through your confusion. No counsellor will give advice or persuade you to take a particular course of action, there are no judgments, counselling is there to help you to take some control back over your life.
A counselling session will enable you to explore what might be happening to you and your feelings. We often experience feelings that we have felt unable to discuss with our loved ones and counselling can allow us you to understand those pent up emotions such as anger, grief or anxiety. A counsellor will encourage you to express those feelings and help you find some resolution for yourself.
By attending some counselling sessions, a mutual understanding and trust often develops which can help you to examine areas of your life that may not have occurred to you before. That understanding can also allow you to do some in-depth exploration of situations that you have found difficult and to make some small changes as a starter to allowing bigger changes as you develop options which may help you to decide what course of action or behaviour is best for you.
There are different forms of counselling and there are some cross over's between those. Those could be person centred, psychodynamic or cognitive to give you a few examples. Given that there are different techniques and approaches you may find it useful to talk to your counsellor in the first session to decide if the particular model they adopt will be one that you can engage with. Therapists have different training depending on what technique they use and some may have a specific approach to particular issues like eating disorders, addictions etc. A therapist may have trained specifically in one model but incorporate different techniques from others if they feel it might prove beneficial to a client.
Counsellors usually work for a mutually agreed period of time per session. This will usually be limited to 50 to 60 minutes per session in order that the therapist and you can maintain both energy and focus to get the most out of each session.
You can be assured that confidentiality is the bedrock of the counselling relationship and an essential part of trust. However there are situations when that is not an absolute. A counsellor is under a public duty to act in the public interest if there is serious risk of imminent harm to their clients or to others and they may need to make a referral to another agency in those circumstances. This is something that your counsellor will discuss with you in the first session when you agree the contract between you.
Whatever your issues, you will find that a counsellor will agree a contract and the boundaries of your relationship in your first session. That framework should cover dates and times of sessions, how and when there can be contact and that the relationship will be a professional one, your therapist is there to help you, they will not be a personal friend. You may find that your counsellor offers you a written contract outlining those factors. This should be welcomed by you as the first stage on your journey.