Family forms the most important part of an individual’s life. Any kind of tension in the family ties leads to depression and sorrow. Due to constantly increasing workloads and pressures to prove oneself, individuals hardly get time to spend with their family members. This leads to gap in communication and eventual fights. This is where the counseling service in Alberta can help solve various emotional conflicts within the family.
Out of the several issues, marriage is the most prominent, which requires delicate and skillful handling. The essentials of a good and sound marriage are love, communication, faith, trust, and commitment towards each other. The problems faced by the couples are better resolved when they are within the context of the couples’ relationship. A couple which is undergoing emotional turmoil seeks advice and help of professionals to smooth things between them. This kind of advice is called counseling.
When couples apply for counseling sessions, the counselor first tries to locate the problem. The counselors then try to mediate between the husband and the wife to bring out their opinions and points of difference. The counseling sessions provide the couples with the apt platform to talk about their views openly. This in turn facilitates them in understanding what the other was thinking and feeling all this while. The communication gap that was present at the starting of the counseling lessens with each successive session.
Marriage And Family Counseling in Alberta
A young couple relocates to a new area. They are hundreds of miles away from family and friends. The husband works full time and the wife is a stay at home mom. They have been in their new area about 1 year. The wife is becoming bored, lonely and depressed as she does not have any friends or significant social life. Her husband talks alot about work when he comes home. He then spends an inordinate amount of time talking on the phone with his work colleagues and friends that he has made. He goes out frequently without his wife often staying out throught the wee hours of the morning. Is this a case where marriage counseling is needed?
A gut reaction would be to answer this question as yes, absolutely. There are some serious and significant issues developing in this relationship. A professional counselor should be able to identify the root of the problems that both individuals in this relationship are not seeing or have ignored. Once these problems have been diagnosed then the counselor can establish a workable plan that will allow this couple to resolve these major issues.
In looking a little deeper at this situation marriage counseling may not be needed right away. Why would I say that? Well, we don'tknow if this couple has ever even discussed this situation or the problems that the wife is perceiving. Hard to imagine but the husband may not even be aware that there is a problem. If the wife never speaks up to express her feelings he may think everything is fine, so why change. The first thing that needs to occur here is the wife needs to communicate to her husband how she feels and make him aware of these issues. I know, it's hard to believe that he doesn't see it but some people are just that oblivious or just don't care OR she is putting up a good front and doesn't show that anything is wrong.
Another deeper issue in this situation is why doesn't this wife have any friends or why isn't she developing a social network of her own? Has she made any attempt or effort to meet people and make friends? If she is a stay at home mom with young kids then certainly there are play groups, play dates, support groups, child activity centers, and community events centered around children that she could become involved in in order to meet other like moms that may be in her situation. Yes, the husband has issues in this relationship but the wife is relying solely on him for support. She needs to make an effort to take care of herself.
Is marriage counseling needed in this case. I think there are several things this couple can do between themselves prior to iniating the help of a professional counselor. If they are unable or unwilling to resolve their issues then I would recommend the help of a professional.
Christian Counselors in the Church - Partners in Caring
In our Marriage Counseling Practice we often see couples whose In-Laws are causing problems in the marriage. Whether it is too close, or not close enough, In-Laws can turn into Out-Laws very quickly.
The problems don't always begin the same way. Sometimes there has been no "individuation" (becoming separate) on the part of the adult children. The Bible instructs couples to leave and cleave in order to become one flesh. This is not possible if the adult children do not separate in a healthy way from their parents. The parents may or may not be trying to hang on, but the results can be the same.
When adult children maintain a dependence on their parents after marriage, it interferes with the husband wife relationship. Even when it is disguised as asking for advice from a parent it can cause a division between the couple. If the wife looks to her father for help in making decisions, the husband can feel totally disrespected. He may feel that he (the husband) is not the primary male figure in the marriage.
Likewise if the husband is overly close with his mother the wife is unable to assume the role of nurturer and the number one woman in his life. This is especially true if the couple is living with the parents. This keeps them still in the role of a child.
When adult children receive money from their parents the help often comes with some sort of "strings" attached. This may be overt or covert. Maybe nothing is even said about it.
When parents disapprove of the "in-law "adult child, it puts their child in the middle between the parents and their spouse. The adult child's allegiance should always be to their spouse; number one after the Lord.
A case in point would be when Mary's parents are speaking disrespectfully about Mary's husband Tom behind his back. Rather than defending Tom, Mary should explain to her parents that it's not ok to talk about Tom that way. If Mary's parents continue, Mary should walk away.
If Mary's parents are disrespecting Tom in front of him Mary should get between her parents and Tom and boldly say, "If you continue talking about Tom this way, we will leave."
It is important for couples to keep their "marriage business" private. They should not be discussing their marital issues with their parents, family or friends.
These discussions should be limited to their Pastor, Christian Counselor, or one trusted friend that both spouses' agree on.
We recommend the book "Boundaries in Marriage" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.
As the Bible says in Genesis 2:24, therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. Of course this applies for women as well.
In our Marriage Counseling practice, Marriage Rescue Associates, we regularly see couples who need help restructuring the family dynamic in order to "leave and cleave".
God's Blessing on your marriage. Let it be healthy and happy.
About Marriage Rescue Associates | Christian Marriage Counseling
With over 23 years of experience, Marriage Rescue Associates have discovered many effective methods for helping couples restore their family and marriages. As Christian Marriage Counselors, Marriage Rescue Associates can help construct solutions to rekindle love and rebuild trust that has been torn down by endless conflict, indifference, and unmet needs.
Don't let your marriage or family become another statistic when you can actually do something to change it.
Seek out Marriage Counseling from an experienced Marriage Counselor that understands your situation and makes you feel comfortable with them.
To learn more about Marriage Rescue Associates, visit us online at www.marriagerescue.org
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