Marriage Family Therapist in Kelowna British Columbia

Sometimes a person might have some trauma, memories, or patterns that create unhealthiness in their behavior, and in their lives. As such, they might need the help of qualified professionals who are trained to help this person get to the bottom of their emotional problems. These professionals are also able to help a person create strategies for new and healthy coping tools. These professionals are called counselors. They offer professional counseling service in Kelowna.

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In order for a person to become and to offer counseling service, they have to first take classes in social issues, psychology, and other courses dealing with people skills, and in conflict resolution. It’s important to keep in mind that those who offer counseling service aren’t psychologist. They aren’t medical professionals, although a psychologist can counsel people. A professional counselor works exclusively to help people solve their live issues, and their emotional issues.

Marriage Counseling Does It Work?

There are many types of issues that can be manages, and even resolved with professional counseling. These issues can include phobias, smoking cessation, people skills, self-esteem, and other issues dealing with one’s emotions. Life issues that can be helped with counseling service can include grief, life changes, public speaking, and family services. Sometimes, a romantic couple or a married couple might find that they need counseling service. There could be major issues that might cause the demise of the relationship. There could be issues with respect or boundaries in the relationship. Sometimes a couple might want a mediator, because they need a neutral party to help them work through disagreements. As such, couples counseling is a very popular form of counseling service. This type of counseling has done a lot to save relationships, marriages, and families.

Counselling Service in Kelowna – What Support They Provide

This is a simple three stage approach to counseling. This process is for when someone comes to you with a problem or wanting to talk about something. It is for the 'normal neurotics like you and me", not for dealing with people with serious psychiatric conditions.

It avoids giving advice (a trap for any counseling approach). If you stick to this approach you will do no harm and will probably do much good.

Stage One: Listening

Listening means understanding the content and the feelings that go with it.

Cerebral understanding is not enough.

Never make a statement that defines the issue or the other person's feelings; ask instead. Not, "You're feeling . . . " but instead, "Are you feeling . . ? ". Not, "The issue is . . ." but instead, "You think the problem is . . ." or, "The way you see it is . . . ". At this stage it may be enough to say "uh-huh" or nod your head.

This stage ends when the person starts talking about the issues behind the problem. You will know you have done well when you get agreement to your suggestions of what the issue is and the feeling behind it.

Stage Two: Exploratory Listening

When the person talking to you feels heard they will move on to deeper things. At this stage you can start asking exploratory questions. Asking if they have felt this way before; What they have tried to do in similar situations - whether it worked or not; Whether there are other thoughts and feelings that are going on for them. You can, if you see something clearly, offer observations of what you see. Things like, "You seem happy/sad/angry . . ." and so on. Even here it is probably better to ask a question than to make a statement.

The critical issue at this stage is to stay in touch with their feelings at the depth they are feeling them.

If you can't do this, let them know; don't fake it. You can something like, "Sorry, I can't handle this right now." They will appreciate this more than pretending (and they'll always know if you are just pretending).

This stage ends when the issue is seen differently, a new insight is achieved.

Stage Three: Doing Different Things

Once they see things differently they can start to do things differently, or at least plan to.

The temptation when anyone comes to you with a problem is to try and jump to this stage immediately. This is a mistake. What is needed is the time to explore what is going on and to see it in a new way.

At this stage you can make suggestions of what has worked for you.

Don't get trapped into playing "Yes, but . . .".

If they give reasons why your suggestions won't work, don't argue. Instead, ask what they have tried, why it didn't work, and what they can do differently this time.

You may want to organize that they can check in with you so that they monitor how they are going with their new way of doing things.

This stage ends when they try out new behaviour with you or when they have a plan of the new behaviour they want to try with others.

This process is almost entirely about listening.

The other person always knows more about their own situation than you do.

Never offer advice about what they should do. In the third stage you may wish to say what has worked for you if you have dealt with a similar issue yourself.

With a little practice you can get quite good quite quickly at this process. You may well become someone people come to 'for advice'. As long as you do stick to this process, and don't offer advice, you will do much good and help many people.

Counseling - A Three Stage Process

Out of millions of couples all across the globe, there are many which are dragging a bad marriage. Most of them go for a divorce rather than solving the problems infecting their marriage. People often stay in an unhappy marriage until some kind of resentment builds. In that event, they start thinking of a divorce as the only solution. They just break their relationship without giving it try. At the same time, there are people who try everything to save their marriage before finally thinking of a divorce. Marriage counseling offers the perfect platform for the couples in an unhappy marriage.

Marriage counseling in India, though it was there at a casual level, was not taken seriously or professionally earlier. Actually, in India, people used to live in a joint family system and solutions to any marriage problems were found within the family system. However, these days joint families are breaking up and people are preferring nuclear family system. It has created more of social problems such as marital discords. In today's time, there is great requirement of professional marriage counseling.

Professional marriage counselors are well trained professionals having enough knowledge and experience to deal with such situations and to understand the psychology of the couple regarding problems in their marriage.

Common people often fail to understand the reasons to their problems in their marriage. A professional marriage counselor helps them understand the real problems and various ways to tackle the problem and see those things in different perspective.

Maintaining and saving marriage takes skills and proper effort on both sides. Marriage counseling experts teach the couples to resolve the conflicts in a positive and healthy manner.

Though there are not many marriage counselors around, you can find good marriage counseling in Delhi and Mumbai easily. You can search online for finding reliable Marriage Counselling services.


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