Sometimes a person might have some trauma, memories, or patterns that create unhealthiness in their behavior, and in their lives. As such, they might need the help of qualified professionals who are trained to help this person get to the bottom of their emotional problems. These professionals are also able to help a person create strategies for new and healthy coping tools. These professionals are called counselors. They offer professional counseling service in Kamloops.
In order for a person to become and to offer counseling service, they have to first take classes in social issues, psychology, and other courses dealing with people skills, and in conflict resolution. It’s important to keep in mind that those who offer counseling service aren’t psychologist. They aren’t medical professionals, although a psychologist can counsel people. A professional counselor works exclusively to help people solve their live issues, and their emotional issues.
Understanding Marriage Counseling
There are many types of issues that can be manages, and even resolved with professional counseling. These issues can include phobias, smoking cessation, people skills, self-esteem, and other issues dealing with one’s emotions. Life issues that can be helped with counseling service can include grief, life changes, public speaking, and family services. Sometimes, a romantic couple or a married couple might find that they need counseling service. There could be major issues that might cause the demise of the relationship. There could be issues with respect or boundaries in the relationship. Sometimes a couple might want a mediator, because they need a neutral party to help them work through disagreements. As such, couples counseling is a very popular form of counseling service. This type of counseling has done a lot to save relationships, marriages, and families.
Counselling Service in Kamloops – What Support They Provide
The strongest contributor to individual character development is the family unit. You may have spent years trying to change, eliminate, or copy the influence of certain members of your family unit-consciously or unconsciously.
Consequently, if anger is part of your familys culture, you have probably noticed that it tends to spread itself to future generations. The wider it has spread, the more difficult it is to contain.
Take a look at the way members of your family relate with one another. Is there a hurtful and biting anger present? Remember, our earliest experiences communicating, problem-solving and relating to others occurs within our nuclear family. Unfortunately, patterns of anger in these relationships are then recreated in later relationships and subsequent family systems.
Fortunately, counseling and an expert treatment plan can eliminate the damage of having lived in an angry or abusive family unit.
How Dysfunctional Anger Destroys Relationships
Anger is a very common destroyer of relationships. Couples, however, often underestimate or minimize its impact by sometimes reporting that it is this anger that makes the relationship feel alive. A very dangerous notion.
How does irrational anger start? It grows in relationships which are insecure and where open communication is absent. The emotion of love then becomes buried beneath years and years of hostility and resentment. In these relationships, helplessness often exists in the present and anxiety and fear overwhelm thoughts about the future.
The news is not all bad, however. The good news is that if you are motivated to take part in marital or family therapy you can be rewarded with new optimism and hope.
The following are tips on how to limit destructive anger in your relationships:
1. When you feel angry, mentally evaluate your feelings. Ask yourself if you are over-reacting or jumping to conclusions.
2. Particularly, if you have nothing to lose, start by giving others the benefit of the doubt. Ask yourself if you have taken something too personally or over-reacted.
3. Move to higher ground; get a broader perspective. When you feel resentment building, talk your feelings over with a loved one and get additional feedback.
4. If certain relationships are repeatedly fraught with anger, assess whether or not you should stay in them.
5. If your anger feels out of control and/or mysterious and particularly, if the relationship is important, consider family or relationship counseling.
How Do I Know If a Family Member Has an Anger Problem?
Most of the time angry individuals are aware that they have problems controlling anger. Unfortunately, many of them come to accept that their anger is unchangeable, a fixed aspect of their personality and feel hopeless to to do anything about it. If you wonder whether you or a loved one may have an anger problem, look for several of the following symptoms:
1. Becoming inappropriately angry in response to mild frustration or irritation.
2. Experiencing painful feelings of guilt or regret over something that you have said or done in a fit of anger.
3. The existence of repeated interpersonal conflicts that result from angry outbursts (legal problems, arguments, damage to property, school or work suspensions, etc.)
4. Family and/or friends approaching or appealing to you to control your anger.
5. Having chronic physical symptoms which are generated or exacerbated by too much anger, such as high blood pressure, gastrointestinal difficulties etc.
Where do I Seek Help for an Anger Problem?
Mental health professionals are very responsive to those who seek treatment for anger dysfunction. Referrals to treatment professionals and services are available through The American Psychological Association, The American Counseling Association and The National Association of Social Workers.
You may feel shame or guilt about your anger issues and these problems can actually change the lives of you and your loved ones, for the worst. Therefore, it is critical to consult with a counseling or mental health professional who has many years of experience in anger management training.
What Kind of Treatments are Available for My Anger Disorder?
The most common approaches to anger management problems include the use of individual and family therapies. These therapies help one to become aware of specific triggers and thinking processes which lead to chronic anger and demonstrate how to think productively, rather than irrationally.
Individual therapy explores the root of angry feelings and behavior in a counseling format that includes only one client. This counseling approach helps the individual to focus on the most important emotions causing his or her excessive anger.
Family therapy is a powerful and comprehensive way of repairing the damage caused by longer-term expressions of hurtful anger. Chronic anger commonly alienates family members from each other, resulting in strained communication. It can also cause members to be overly involved with one another in a very dysfunctional way.
Family therapy considers each members role in the dysfunction rather than just pinpointing one person.
How Marriage and Family Therapy Help
Marriage and family therapists, psychologists and mental health counselors are trained in how to identify anger patterns that pass from generation to generation. Identifying these patterns through counseling helps each client to explore his or her perceptions, prejudices and misunderstandings about the appropriateness of certain types of anger.
For example, when parents reflect on how emotions were expressed in their nuclear families, subsequent family members begin to understand the family's inherited concepts about anger and how to correct them.
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This is a simple three stage approach to counseling. This process is for when someone comes to you with a problem or wanting to talk about something. It is for the 'normal neurotics like you and me", not for dealing with people with serious psychiatric conditions.
It avoids giving advice (a trap for any counseling approach). If you stick to this approach you will do no harm and will probably do much good.
Stage One: Listening
Listening means understanding the content and the feelings that go with it.
Cerebral understanding is not enough.
Never make a statement that defines the issue or the other person's feelings; ask instead. Not, "You're feeling . . . " but instead, "Are you feeling . . ? ". Not, "The issue is . . ." but instead, "You think the problem is . . ." or, "The way you see it is . . . ". At this stage it may be enough to say "uh-huh" or nod your head.
This stage ends when the person starts talking about the issues behind the problem. You will know you have done well when you get agreement to your suggestions of what the issue is and the feeling behind it.
Stage Two: Exploratory Listening
When the person talking to you feels heard they will move on to deeper things. At this stage you can start asking exploratory questions. Asking if they have felt this way before; What they have tried to do in similar situations - whether it worked or not; Whether there are other thoughts and feelings that are going on for them. You can, if you see something clearly, offer observations of what you see. Things like, "You seem happy/sad/angry . . ." and so on. Even here it is probably better to ask a question than to make a statement.
The critical issue at this stage is to stay in touch with their feelings at the depth they are feeling them.
If you can't do this, let them know; don't fake it. You can something like, "Sorry, I can't handle this right now." They will appreciate this more than pretending (and they'll always know if you are just pretending).
This stage ends when the issue is seen differently, a new insight is achieved.
Stage Three: Doing Different Things
Once they see things differently they can start to do things differently, or at least plan to.
The temptation when anyone comes to you with a problem is to try and jump to this stage immediately. This is a mistake. What is needed is the time to explore what is going on and to see it in a new way.
At this stage you can make suggestions of what has worked for you.
Don't get trapped into playing "Yes, but . . .".
If they give reasons why your suggestions won't work, don't argue. Instead, ask what they have tried, why it didn't work, and what they can do differently this time.
You may want to organize that they can check in with you so that they monitor how they are going with their new way of doing things.
This stage ends when they try out new behaviour with you or when they have a plan of the new behaviour they want to try with others.
This process is almost entirely about listening.
The other person always knows more about their own situation than you do.
Never offer advice about what they should do. In the third stage you may wish to say what has worked for you if you have dealt with a similar issue yourself.
With a little practice you can get quite good quite quickly at this process. You may well become someone people come to 'for advice'. As long as you do stick to this process, and don't offer advice, you will do much good and help many people.